In my new YA novel, my main character is dealing with loss-like I have, and because this is so real to me, it’s real in my book which is the only good thing, I guess. People ask me a lot about the new book and I tell them. It’s about grief, pain, loss, fear and going on-it’s just told in an alien story-but it’s about grief. How do I know? I could be an expert in grief-I wish that wasn’t true, but it is.

My father is dying and I can’t go out and see him, so I just write and write and hope that this sacrifice-not having a real job where I can say, “my father is dying, I need a week off”-is worth it.

I love my life and I wouldn’t change anything, but today for the first time in a long time, I wished I had a boring office job with sick time, paid holidays and steady paycheck.

I am beyond sad, as most of you know I lost my doggie of almost 14 years in Jan of this year. I also have lost my mother, and my brother. Never really had grandparents, but lost them too, so now my father is dying. He’s been in a home for some time now and I am the living Meredith Grey, but just because I know it’s coming, it doesn’t make it easier. I am beyond wrecked and can hardly think, but I can write.

My dad wouldn’t want me to be homeless to go see him like this, and you know if I lost my current job that could happen, but I still feel terrible because I am losing him and we have a strong connection.

When my mom died I called my dad and we were close even though far apart. He called me for my birthday at midnight and on NYE and on Christmas. I have missed that for the last 6 years. Since then, when he has a massive heart attack and should have died, I still talk to him on occasion, he is lucid more often than not and I send him cards every other day so he won’t forget me.

I will try to keep up with the blog, but it will be hard as I am finding it hard to breathe.

If your parents are still around, get off the internet and go tell them you love them. I would give anything for one more day with my parents. I am too young to not have them anymore and it sucks.