Dear Douchebag Writer-

Dear Douchebag Writer,

Do you know how much it costs to have a professional writer look at your script and give you notes?

Do you know how long it takes to read through your script and type up notes for you?

Obviously not because you asked me to read your script and then acted like a total asshole when you didn’t like what I had to say.

I didn’t mind when you had your friend ask me to read your script. I didn’t mind that you checked back once a week asking if I had time to read it, even though I had told you several times that I was busy working on a film and my own writing.

When you started emailing me every day asking me to read your script, it was annoying.

When I read the first ACT and couldn’t tell if it was a comedy or a drama because it was so friggen’ boring, but yet I took the time to write you a nice complimentary email anyhow, and you then bitched me out and sent me several emails telling me how important you are, that was a bit much.

A) If you are so important, then you don’t need my notes.

B) If by page 20 I can’t tell what kind of story you are telling or who the main character is, something isn’t working.

Let me tell you something about getting help from others.

It is a FAVOR, that we do for each other to help each other learn. It takes time away from my day. It takes time away from my own writing, drawing, relaxing, dating, whatever and yet that is what we do. We as writers bounce ideas off each other and that is how we grow.

Especially in television. Your idea may not be funny, or it may not have enough emotions, or enough suspense, or it may be brilliant.

The thing is, when you ask me for my help and then harass me and don’t even have enough brains in that tiny head of yours to think that for a second, I may have my own life going on, and I still read it. Do NOT send me nasty emails telling me that I don’t know what I am doing.

If you are so good that you don’t need other people’s notes that I will thank you in advance to not ask for my help in the future.

Sincerely,

Someone who has more important things to do with her time!

*seriously, this person asked me to read their script* I did* I didn’t love it because I couldn’t tell what was really going on, but I suggested they make that a little more clear early on but I really liked the idea only to get bitched out and then sent a slue of emails telling me that they are “not new” and who their agents were* Then had to audacity to ask me yesterday if I had finished reading, when I said that I thought it was clear they didn’t want my notes, I was called a bitch and told that I shouldn’t promise services I couldn’t even do and the world didn’t revolved around me*News flash, MY world, does revolve around ME, that is sort of how it works.*

I think we can all learn from having friends and colleagues read our stuff, but please remember to have an open mind. I had 5 friends read a new TV spec I wrote over the weekend and all of them had valuable insights and helped me a lot! Sometimes it is hard to take critiques, but you know what, this who industry is about that. You will get tons of revisions and you can not take it personal and or start yelling at the person who gave them to you.

The old rule applies: Do onto others. . .