Agents-the Epitome of Bad Boyfriends

They don’t want you until someone else does! UGH

Agents are a weird breed. You tell them you will make them money, but unless you are “somebody” they don’t care. You can’t be a somebody without an agent to make that happen, so you end up in a dance between agencies, contests and training programs.

You have a small screenplay and your old agent is “eh” well, if I help you sell it, then maybe I’ll sign you again. Even though this agent has made it clear that he/she is too big for you now and only keeping A listers. This same agent was all over you when you were called by a major studio to buy the rights to your book and also possibly pick up your series. Then the strike hits and he/she is gone faster than you can say the word agent.

Fast forward to your screenplay, your agent’s ears prick up and he/she is interested in you again. You wrote something decent your agent can make an easy few thousand from you, so he/she is right there.

Your screenplay had an offer! You are so excited you can hardly stand it. Your screenplay, the one you whipped out in a month, has a major studio wanting to pick it up, buy it and that means MONEY! Your agent turns it down and asks for more. Yet, he/she still doesn’t sign you—yet.

You write a decent spec pilot and get some attention for it, your agent isn’t really there, but watching closely. You have two new series in development that he/she believes will sell or get you hired, but that still isn’t enough to lure him/her back.

Another agency gets wind of your screenplay, maybe it has made it’s way across his/her desk, but somehow you have caught the eye of this new person. They call you set up a meeting and guess who back? The agent.

They call you two, three, four, six, eight times over night. They didn’t want you, but when someone else does? They are claiming their territory.

I don’t mind this so much, because that is the name of the game, but I say to any agents out there wanting to sign me, first one to close a deal, I sign with. Plain and simple. I don’t care about out history, because trust me all the times you left me for someone better are right there in my mind, and all the times you didn’t call me back for months on end and let my work die somewhere are there too. All I care about is the deal. Get me one and I am yours!

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FAST FAST FAST!

Writing for TV is a whole different kettle of fish than feature writing and the kettle is called speed!

It is amazing to me how fast the process goes and I suppose that is why sometimes some less than extraordinary episodes make it on the air.

I am writing an episode of Grey’s this weekend and I have it all down, the long part is actually typing it and when I write drama I need to take mental brain breaks! I am done with Act two now and need a break because I am getting sad!

That said I love the process and hope that all my fast writing will keep me employed when I cross over!

What about you? fast or slow writer?

My Screenplay May Have Found a Home

As some of you know, last winter, I wrote a screenplay, The Airport Bar, on the fly on the advice of a few people that kept saying, “You need to have a screenplay in your portfolio!”. So I did. I sat down and I wrote one.

I had 4 months of hiatus from work and was just finishing a new version of my spec pilot for my series that I developed entitled, The First Year, and then I wrote a screenplay. This took me one month. I gave myself only a month for many reasons; I had to finish an episode of Saving Grace that I started earlier that year, I had to finish my pilot episode that was in rewrites, and I was taking storyboard tests for 3 shows on FOX in hopes to get a day job which took a week each, and then I was going to be back on a short animated project. I only had a month of time to spare.

~Wanting to work in television is also a huge factor in my fast writing process. In TV, you don’t get a year to write an episode or even two episodes, you get a few days to first draft it and then if you are lucky a week or two to change it. Yes there are staff members, and you have people helping you, but you have to be able to go from concept to script very quickly. This is what I want to do so I have to practice in the way that I would work. To be clear, since Feb 2009 when I wrote and completed The Airport Bar, I have gone back and it has had two re writes and I am sure many more to come.~

I had no idea what I was going to write about, I didn’t want to adapt one of my novels, so I took something familiar to me and wrote an indie drama. I say indie drama because it fits in that place. This film would never be a blockbuster, but more of a smaller film. The idea behind me doing this was also to show that I can write. I entered a few contests, the more respectable ones and I even was able to apply for more writing jobs.

Through a series of emails with someone from an ad I saw on Craigslist, the first 20 pages of my script landed in the hands of one of my idols in TV writing, and all around amazing guy. He liked it but didn’t hire me for his project. That was that. A few weeks went by and my then agent called me to say that a production company was interested.

I met with them, chatted, nothing. Then a director was interested and if you are out in the world trying to sell your script, you will see that this is more normal than not normal. You don’t just write one and sell it~it should be so easy.

Now months later that original company is interested again. They made an offer, my agent (from back then, I am still sort of working with him until I find a new one-another story for another day) countered. I was like “what? I am not working, I can’t even afford the parking fee to come see you! I need to sell it” but he knows what he is doing, so I wait!

My tiny little film may have a home! I hope, but I am also realistic about the process.
I just always wonder if it will be one of my novels, my screenplay or a TV show that puts me on the map. They say, “you are only one screenplay away from making it.”

Yes, There Are Stupid Questions!

“You say you read a lot of spec scripts, is that so you can get ideas?”
True story, that was a true question asked at the notes on craft seminar last night at the WGA. Really? Yes really? The worst part is that was not the dumbest question asked.

I love going to panels and hearing from the show runners and even sometimes the cast because you get a real feel of how the show works, and the same is for screenwriters. I love to hear all their stories about the business, and how it works and doesn’t work for you.

I love hearing about so in so’s screenplay went through 6 writers and umpteen rewrites before it became the version we saw on the screen.

But there is always that point in the night when I cringe and just want to go out running, but not without first apologizing to whomever is up there speaking.

Why? Why? Why do these people ask the most ridiculous questions? And why are they always 3, 4, or 5 part questions? Usually whatever these people ask has been covered in the original lecture.

It is the part that makes me want to leave.

That said, last night’s panel was amazing. Diane English, (My Sister Sam, Murphy Brown, The Women), Tom Rickman, (Coal Miner’s Daughter, Truman, Tuesdays With Morrie), and Bruce Joel Rubin, (Ghost, The Time Traveler’s Wife), rounded out this very experienced and successful panel of writers.

Daniel Petrie, Jr., (Beverly Hills Cop, The BIg Easy, Toy Soldiers), was once again the moderator, and did a fantastic job, just like last week for the notes on concept.

I find it is always great to go to these panels because even though we as writers know these things, usually, at least for me, every time I come away with knowledge that hadn’t sunk in yet or something. I always come home and then change my script in some way. It is just the dumbfuck questions that drive me crazy.

I’m Honored!

YIPPEE!!!

I worked on this series for so long. This is the one that I have actually been successful in pitching to the studios. Which means, I have been able to pitch to studios and they have been biting, it isn’t sold, YET! The only thing that has been concerning me is the way this show works, there is no way to write a pilot episode that doesn’t have some of the premise. It is a big NO NO to write what is called a “premise pilot” and I know this, but the show needs it, this show has to have it start when it starts. This doesn’t mean a huge backstory, but like an “event drama” this show is structured in a certain way. I have been feeling insecure about it lately because of this and so today when I came home and saw this in the mail, I was very excited!

Yay me!!

On another note, my screenplay is doing it’s job and may have found a home, which I really hope!! :0)

Why So Serious?

Maybe I shouldn’t be in the creative arts, because the only people more serious and wrapped up in their own bullshit than artists, seems to be writers.

I don’t understand this behavior in people that claim to want to write for a living.

I write because I love to write. I don’t have a choice in the matter, I have to write. I have to, it is a part of who I am. I have always written and whether or not it is shorts, novels, screenplays, TV shows or the occasional rambling on a blog; I write because I have to write.

I love the process, I love the ideas in my head, I love to write badly, I love to write well, I just love to write, so I do.

I find it interesting that so many people that claim to be writers either never write anything, or don’t show what they write to anyone. Then why do it? If you are never going to show anyone anything, then why write? Okay, you could write for yourself, and that is fine if that is what you want to do I suppose, but the great storytellers are the ones that actually tell stories. I guess that is more of what I mean.

I meet people all the time that say they want to be professional writers, but they never show anyone their work.

Or I meet people that claim to be writers but never write. Hrm? This is weird to me.

Another person in the writing field of television that I don’t understand is the guy/gal who says, “I don’t own a TV, I hate television, all shows are stupid.”, and yet these people want to work in television?

This is like a person writing a novel and saying, “all fiction is stupid.” Really?

Now, my next point: Writer’s groups!

I love them. I belong to a few; two for TV writing, one for film, another one is general and everyone brings something different to the group, and another for novels, (actually I belong to couple organizations for my novels). The point of the group is to support one another and give HELPFUL feedback. Yet, there are those Negative Nellies that like bitch and whine and slam everything you do. I don’t understand it.

Writers that take themselves this serious really get on my last nerve and I want to know what they are so serious about? & Why are they so angry?

I had one writer tell me that my story was well written but completely stupid. That was his opinion, so fair enough, but why even say anything then? I worked on a hospital drama a couple years ago and was told, “I hate hospital shows”, again, who is forcing you to watch them? Another guy got all upset about the colors in my blog, really? Really, this is your big complaint of the day? No one is forcing you to go to my blog. I was in one of my groups and one of the TV writers slammed every single show on TV today and finished by saying that all TV is stupid, yet this guy wants to write for TV. I don’t get it. I just don’t get it.

I am not a serious, mean or nasty person. I take what I do seriously in that I work my butt off and write every day. I learn from teachers and mentors, and even peers of mine when they give helpful feedback. I suppose this goes back to my earlier blogs in A) the writing will never be “perfect” and B) Not everyone is going to like what I write.

I just wish that writers in general would lighten up and be a little nicer to everyone, because nothing is worse than hanging out with a self loathing all too serious writer who is complaining all the time! And unless you are in fact someone who is as good as, if not better than, James Joyce, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Woody Allen or J. J. Abrams please keep your negative shit to yourself.

You Only Have One Chance is COMPLETE CRAP!

I hate when people say, “you only have one chance” with.. “so your script must be perfect!”
This is a crock of shit! Seriously! I have to repeat-Seriously!

Okay, lemme step back, you don’t want to hand in some piece of shit that will get people talking about you in a bad way, but this kind of talk is what scares writers into alcoholism, fear, hibernation and eventually death. If you never show your work because it isn’t “perfect” you will never show anybody anything ever, so you might as well put a gun to your head now.

Yes, do what you can to get better. Show them your best you. The best you can do now, that is all you can do! I know that I am no Woody Allen, and I am sure that Woody Allen still writes scripts that need changes.

What is the perfect script? There is no such thing and I want to say to all these people. Lemme see this perfect script, because as far as I can tell, just like Nessie, Bigfoot and the Man from Mars, it doesn’t exist.

All films and TV shows go through re write after re write after re write and then some more! The best writers have re writes, so just do what you do, do it as well as you possibly can and when you get rejected, because we all do, try to learn from it.

Improving is a huge part of what “they” look for. Can this person take direction and notes well?

Waiting until anything is perfect to do anything in life is such a stupid concept that I may just write a book about it.

I think insecure writers like to scare new writers with…”you only have one chance if you blow it that is it” Shut the fuck up before I smack you with that crap. Seriously.

Chances are if you send someone a script that isn’t perfect they won’t remember you. These people get hundreds of scripts and yours didn’t impress them. You think they have some huge list with all the names of the bad scripts they get on their desk? It isn’t possible.

Do you actually think that you will be out someday at a function and meet someone and they will say..”oh you are so in so.. your script sucked!” Probably not. They most likely will not remember they knew your name.

When I was acting, I was offered a job at Disney, I arrogantly turned it down, then two years later was sick of acting~okay was sick of not working enough~and I called up Disney to get my chance back. They allowed me to apply. I am telling you I handed in the worst drawings in the history of the world. All my artist friends months later were still saying, “you aren’t ready!” Well look what happened.
I wasn’t ready, and my portfolio was horrible, but they told me what I needed to do to improve and I did. I took classes and every single chance I got to submit to them or anyone I submitted. I finally got in. Point is, if I had waited until my drawings were perfect, I would still be waiting.

We as creative beings are always improving our craft, that is the nature of the game. I look at some of my past writing and am like, “OMG what was I thinking?” but it is in the past and I am moving and still trying.

I do believe that having anyone and everyone read your script is important. Get people to give you honest feedback. It does help. Take classes, do whatever you can to get read. Make sure your script is the best that you can do. Trying to be perfect will paralyze you will fear so don’t do it.

Just write write write!!

I Want to Read The One About the Porpoise!

OMFG! I was rolling, literally laughing my ass off tonight at the notes on craft seminar at the WGA.

4 comedy writers including the guys that wrote this summer’s break away hit, THE HANGOVER were there and 2 action writers. It was great, as all of these seminars are, to hear their stories about concept.

They talked a lot about how there are big concepts (you know like every Michael Bay film and Blair Witch), but at the end of the day, it is the characters.

I left the room for a minute, as the coffee was making it’s way through my system, and when I came back all I heard was, “Who has read that cat book?” referring the Blake Snyder’s Save The Cat series, which I love. They were talking about Robert McKee and all the things that every single screenwriting book, lecture, class, and magazine tell you to do and how for them, that is intimidating. I bring this up because it is the same thing with art, when creative people get hung up on the process the creativity gets lost. I loved that they brought this up and said the books and everything you are taught can be good, but isn’t set in stone.

It is nice to know my feelings on the subject were felt by others.

I personally, just don’t believe that there is one way to do something, or this is the set way to do it period. I have always just written and worried about the rest afterwards. I don’t always go, okay, on page 32 (like they brought up) this has to happen, but because I know my story structure from watching 9 gazillion films and reading even more books and don’t even get my started on how much television I watch, throw in some Comic books for good message and I have had story structure in my face since I came out; usually by page 32, such and such is happening, or around there.

Loved it tonight, loved hearing them talk about the process.

Some guy in the back who had to hear himself speak on tape, asked about genre, even though this was a lecture on “concept” they were nice enough to throw in their opinions.

The best remark of the night and I may have to do a sketch of what popped into my head was on the of Hangover writers said, “The biggest mistake new writers make is having a little of everything, like a guy with an open trench coat~’I got your horror film, romantic comedy, indie, drama and a porpoise film” that made me laugh out loud because the image of Woody Allen holding open a trench coat lined with scripts popped into my head and the producer in this scenario was Carl Reiner for some reason and it was funny!

I may have to do a porpoise film just because it is so funny! There is a concept! Or a film about a screenwriter pitching a porpoise film…hrmmm? LOL..

Pilot Development/Novel and Specs!

My new series is coming along well, in fact, I am getting a little bummed that this is only to show the studios that I can create a series, because I love the show and want to see it on the air.

It used to be that everyone wanted to see spec scripts of shows on the air already, as long as the show wasn’t canceled or about to be you were fine. I have written so many specs and love doing it, but also created my own series that took me two years to develop and outline for 24 episodes. I got close to selling it a couple of times, and many re writes later it is still in my computer and not on the air.

The new trend is to have original work and you can never have enough. If you are lucky enough to hear, “what else you got?” You better have at least one if not two shows ready to go!

This summer I decided to develop two new pilots. I am finishing the pilot to one of them today and tomorrow.

Then it is onto finish my Psych episode, re format my House episode, create an event drama~which is not for sale but rather to show the networks that I can write one~would love to work on Flash Forward~and write my new novel! :0)

Writer’s block? Never happens. I have so much going on in my head I just need to figure out how to get it all out!

I wonder how I ever had time for a job?

P.S. The screenplay is making the rounds, I haven’t checked on him in a week or so, but I have received decent feedback and am working on a new one that I am adapting from one of my previously finished novels! :0)

Just Write and Show Everyone!

I am excited to announce that I am still on hiatus and doing tons of writing, so when I am famous you can all say you knew me when I was working my way to the top!

I find it interesting that I don’t even think for a second that I won’t work in TV. I wanted to draw for Disney, so I did, people kept telling me how hard it was, and it was, but I did it. I wanted to act, and I did. I believe that I can do anything if I put my mind to it!

I owe it all to Marty McFly! LOL
Seriously! I do what I do and I show people and if they don’t like it, they don’t. If they do like it, even better. I can’t write better than I can write, I can’t draw better than I can draw and I couldn’t act better than I could act, so why worry about what everyone is thinking? If I tried to please every asshole on the planet, I would never get anything done!

I say to all my writer friends, if you want to be a writer, then write!
That is the only way.

Don’t take NO! as an answer, just do it, and it’ll happen. :0)